sooo me :D

i am not sure if u can see the pic but thats what i am inside.
i am the color blue, the animal owl, live in the year of 1970, i would be the base of the cheerleader lifting ppl up, i have compassion for ppl, but is also the dumb bitch and sad all the time. my tattoo is a star, i shine inside and outside. my life can be hard but no one knows it, i keep all inside, i would love to tell someone but no one to turn to, because ppl turn to me for help. i am desperately dieing inside, crying out blood inside, if u get what i mean, from the day i was born my life was hard and it will never leave me alone, i pray for help, maybe one day it can be better.

creator for a purpose

there is a creator, a creator that has purpose, a purpose for all humankind to be alive. I always wounder why i was brought here, i don't really see what good i am doing, more like a waste of time. I try to find a more purposeful life, but then i am too lazy to do anything good, all i do is eat, sleep, and try to finish all my must do list, which is basically study and homework. I feel ashamed for all this, i want to do something more purposeful and encouraging, and not be a computer or music addict. But at the same time i try to help anyone in need, when they are sad and down, or just ask for help. lately i had a friend that fell in love with this girl for maybe all most half a year, and every day on msn a listen to him cry, ask me for Q, and Mon.... a trouble guy. All he thinks of is her and nothing els, omg and at the same time he wants to fix the problem but he can't fix it. sometimes i just have to roll my eyes at him.

If anyone ever felt like me,i wish you all for a better and brighter day, and make it more enjoyable.

let it go

i let it go... i failed in math class, but that does not bring me down, i'll just have to try harder and bump my mark up... hope i don't have to go to summer school to retake the course... so hard. ppl have to learn to let things out and don't keep it to themselves ... talk to someone it would help a lot, this would make you feel happier, and i am one of the ppl that listen to other ppls stories and why they feel so sad, i offer help to others to comfort them, i don't want dis-pare in ppl, i might have a sad and depressing life but others should not be going through these things. so if any one that feels sad and wants someone to care for them or listen to them, feel free to write a comment on my blog... which would be no one cause no one reads my blog.. lol and i would give a reply

i'll back away so u can live better

that title was from a Korean song title it's so touching and sweet... who would really do that... my friend wont, he's holding on to this girl that he would never make out with... sigh, when will he learn, pain is going to get to him at the end. everyone see's love differently, but he just keeps on making bad choices, he thinks she's right for him but the truth is their different, she does not accept him, but as a friend shes fine, this is what happens most of the time when it's love at first sight... so that's why in my opinion i don't trust in that, i think nothing will last long that way but thats what happens all the time T___T. back to me, it's life and death, i ca't afford to lose even 1% in math, my mid term is worth 15% and it's this monday... ahhhhh!!! help, pray to god i wont fail it. see the teachers not try-n to kill me they want to kill me, their jabbing homework into my chest. all i can do right now is listen to music to get out stress and pray. i hope i don't look 2 years older then i should lol...this might not be the best blog but, at leas i can let out my stress and pain.

ALL MOST suicidal

today i feel like i want to share my feelings out. i feel so useless and helpless and this can be the reason why i like to help ppl, even if i can't help myself i can help ppl, which is a good thing.all my friend around me don't know one secret about me and i hide it away... they might wonder why i'm sooo stupid but that's just me.. they go on say'n how their not smart when they get A's in all subjects...which makes me feel so bad, i just want to cry out but i promised not to shed a tear in front of ppl.. i guess i don't have a choice but to make the most embarrassing decision just to save myself. i act like my life is nothing but truly it's not as good as they think, i pretend to be happy energetic, helpful, caring... but when they are out of sight it's dark, tough, sad.. it's all most suicidal. so you can't blame the j-pop and j-rock, to write emo and negative sad songs, they've been through a lot of pain and that shifts there thinking... sigh

dateing feelings

yep another post for the day... i all ways wounder how it feels to be in a date with someone, would it be an exiting feeling, a i can't wait to See him or her feeling, like every one says... or could it be i don't know what state i am feeling... i don't know why i wounder this but it's just got me thinking, and yes if you are reading this, which i bet no one is, i never liked any one before... i am not sure if i want to have this feeling, it can be awkward, to have a bf at my age or really like someone. I've all ways told my self that i would never Merrie and i mean it, i like having the feeling of being alone and having freedom, do whatever i want whenever i want, some people might think it's not right to feel this way, that in life you got to Merrie and have kids to be called the perfect life, but not me. That's why i can't wait to be out of school.

oh and if any one is reading my blog plese comment or at least show a sign that someone is on my blog... thank u