today i went shopping, not in the boaring malls but out on the street, walked 2blocks for 2/1/2 hours. there's many fancy cute stylish things. home decor, clothing brands you can't find in malls and a lot of accesories. the day was okay didn't eat for 7hours cuz my mother promised to eat with us, but then she came late to pick us up and she was really pissed off so we ended up not eatting plus i got soar legs so i sate in the car when my mom and sis went to look at a stor that had closing sale. so i slept a bit in the car looking at ppl walking by. i saw a mother and child walk by going to a community center and as time passed i see them walking out so i figuered the girl finished her class, when i checked the time, they took 45min in that shop already, i waited some more, finaly got so pissed cuz i was hungry. well we ended up buying dinner.
so yea i walked into a music stor today, first time in my life, it's not like HMV, it has vinal,(lots of that) old old old arcade machines, and cd's(no duh) well it was an intereasting stor, it was big, you would feel so forne in there, well i did cuz i thought i listen to many kinds of songs and singers, but u look at all the cd's and stuffs they have you wont know even 80% of the things there. well i thought i would find chrsitina agulairas back to basic, but no, they had none of her cd's and as i looked more the only new pop singers they have are lady gaga and a lot of adel, and some new country female singers... sigh*
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
wonderful food
this was my breakfast i made. tomato grilled cheese sandwich, it was soo yummy, so that's why i posted this up.
Friday, August 19, 2011
turn it up
i love them so much, they also act as speakers and so far i've been liking it, so comfy and the sound quality is awesome. now i know how clumsy i can get, so i hope i don't break them soon, in till i get a job then it wont mind as much.
by the way next year i might be having a job yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, finally my mother lets me, and i really need the money so i can save up and spend with out being worried. well for now the opportunities i have are, my fav art store Micheal's and my fav i just love this place, marble slab, they've got some of the best ice cream for a reasonable price. so i hope by the time i apply eeither place has a spot for me. hope all this does not interfere with school ):
Thursday, August 18, 2011
you hurt me so much when all i ever did was love you
"I could feel it from the start,
Couldn't stand to be apart."
what about now, aren't you apart.
"Don't know what you did boy but
You had it and I've been hooked ever since."
your all over it, the heat has grown cold.
"Everytime I see you everything starts making sense."
did it make sense for you to break up with him?
"You got what I want boy, and I want it!
So keep on givin' it up!"
not now has he given anything to you, but u gave him a son.
"And I've been hurt so many times before,
That my hope was dying, so sick of trying"
you've been hurt too many times, let's add this one to the list, you might be out of luck in love, but with music it can always give you hope.
"And there's no way to lie to you, you know me better than I do"
girl think again, i think not
"Time went on, and I was wrong
To keep my distance for so long.
So afraid, you wouldn't stay
But you never turned away"
what about now, you broke up with him not too soon when you just had a baby. there was a reason for you putting your distance away, and i would know why, but with me i wouldn't make my wall easy to climb, i wouldn't let my door be wide open.
"So don't you ever go away
I could never face
Losing you would kill my faith"
you got through without him, cuz you had music.
"I couldn't breathe without you here
What kind of world
Would I see without you
I can't dream without you here"
wishes do come true, and wish has been granted, how does it feel now, can you breath, live and see?
"Promise me we'll always stay
The way we are today"
a promise is a promise and one of you broke it. this is why i always say a paper with 2 names written on it means nothing, you can bend the rules to this one easily.
"Cuz some guys have shown me aces
But you've got that royal flush
I know it's crazy everyday"
it's not that craxy after all, you got ride of the person that use to have the roaly flush, but now he's a trash.
"But you've broken all my walls"
yes he has, how long will it be intill you build your walls back up. i'm pretty sure i have many walls undercover, so ppl bring it on.
Couldn't stand to be apart."
what about now, aren't you apart.
"Don't know what you did boy but
You had it and I've been hooked ever since."
your all over it, the heat has grown cold.
"Everytime I see you everything starts making sense."
did it make sense for you to break up with him?
"You got what I want boy, and I want it!
So keep on givin' it up!"
not now has he given anything to you, but u gave him a son.
"And I've been hurt so many times before,
That my hope was dying, so sick of trying"
you've been hurt too many times, let's add this one to the list, you might be out of luck in love, but with music it can always give you hope.
"And there's no way to lie to you, you know me better than I do"
girl think again, i think not
"Time went on, and I was wrong
To keep my distance for so long.
So afraid, you wouldn't stay
But you never turned away"
what about now, you broke up with him not too soon when you just had a baby. there was a reason for you putting your distance away, and i would know why, but with me i wouldn't make my wall easy to climb, i wouldn't let my door be wide open.
"So don't you ever go away
I could never face
Losing you would kill my faith"
you got through without him, cuz you had music.
"I couldn't breathe without you here
What kind of world
Would I see without you
I can't dream without you here"
wishes do come true, and wish has been granted, how does it feel now, can you breath, live and see?
"Promise me we'll always stay
The way we are today"
a promise is a promise and one of you broke it. this is why i always say a paper with 2 names written on it means nothing, you can bend the rules to this one easily.
"Cuz some guys have shown me aces
But you've got that royal flush
I know it's crazy everyday"
it's not that craxy after all, you got ride of the person that use to have the roaly flush, but now he's a trash.
"But you've broken all my walls"
yes he has, how long will it be intill you build your walls back up. i'm pretty sure i have many walls undercover, so ppl bring it on.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
fridge story
As I walk out of the kitchen. Holding onto a vanilla drum
stick I sit down right next to my mom watching TV.
Mom: can I have one.
Me: get it yourself.
Mom: fine whatever, I’ll be healthy and not eat one.
Me: good girl
Me: lick lick*
Mom: hey!..can I have one bite?
Me: no way
Mom: plz
Me: if u take one bite then I’ll eat 2 drumsticks
Mom: go ahead
Me: neh
Mom: I just wanted to try what the vanilla taste likes.
Me: oh this one is chocolate (lying)
Mom: no I ate the chocolate yesterday
Me: well this is the chocolate one
Me: lick lick*
Me: oh god it’s cold…
my joke of the day
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves.
The lad asked, "What is this, father?"
The father, having never seen an elevator, responded, "I have no idea what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.
The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out.
The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother."
(well if u didn't get the last part, the father thinks she's in heaven)
The lad asked, "What is this, father?"
The father, having never seen an elevator, responded, "I have no idea what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.
The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out.
The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother."
(well if u didn't get the last part, the father thinks she's in heaven)
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
fridg
today i had a chocolate chess cake, and by the way i am eating while i'm making this post. sometimes i just really like the feeling of opening the fridge and just easily pick out a comfort food, or sweets, and it does cheer you up and make you feel better. (i have food addiction) that's what its like when i feel sad and alone(like right now) just want to garb some food and eat it, like ice cream cake cereal and my hand cooked pop corn. i really actually make my pop corn the old style way, so that a) don't need to use the microwave, by the way i haven't really used one, b) no wasting money on a pop corn maker, waste space and money. my pop corn is way better then what my mom makes and sometimes the theater, cuz i take time to make it so that every seed is popped well, and when you chuck a handful into your mouth you don't eat any hard stuffs left over from not having the seeds popped well. i can call my self a pop corn mater at my house. my mom's still the cook master and bake master. even the chiefs that cook in grand hotels love my mothers pork chop and mango pudding. you go to a pot luck leave the pudding on the table, less then 5min it's all gone and 10min later they ask for the recipe, then months after, they say : i can't make it look and taste as the same as yours!!
but then i have this question, if u are suffering from depression or bipolar, do u feel more likely to eat, or not eat as much, or can it be both at the same time? cuz i think i have a mix of both which i find funny....
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
refection's
looking at the stars remind me of past childhood memories. but remembering that these memories were engraved to my heart, holding them dearly all along not being able to feel the sadness, it's been too long, the memories stay but the feelings is gone.
by: me
no matter if i was happy,sad crying, board, or felt a pain in me, i starred at the stars, and looking back now, i had that flash back, but this time i didn't feel the pain or sadness i use to have, as years pass they pass by too and soon it's numb, nothing do i ever feel again.
hey i just found out that A) i am suffering from bipolar or B) bipolar II i think it's properly bipolar II.
2 weeks i have been feeling sooo dizzy, almost about to faint, but luckily i don't, i hope by the time i go to school i don't feel the same cuz i'd be died, i need all that energy to go to class.... and i hope the stupid chest pains don't kick in too, that be even worse ):
but like i say rather i die for good, or i live and not make such a big problem to anyone, it's getting to be repeating, all i ever think about are the same things i can't get over with 7 years ago and still each and every year i think about it lots, it has invade like 50% of my brain, poor brain, and all it about is me being soo stupid and useless, and 7years i still have not found out my existence in life, if i still haven't found the answer to that in 2 years, i'd shoot myself or something. no one get's what kinds that really exist in my life, to put it into easier words, i'm not a normal human, and i don;t have a normal well efficient brain... it doesn't work normally and it doesn't do the simple things its suppose to be capable with ... but really who cares, no one cares and i wont either, its like a state of dead end. if my mother can call me "insane and crazy" then yes u might have a guess in what it's like. and besides my brain other parts of my body(myself) don't work as normal as well ); but i am lucky that i can walk, so i always wanted to cut my leg off or something to give it to someone that's in need of one.
by: me
no matter if i was happy,sad crying, board, or felt a pain in me, i starred at the stars, and looking back now, i had that flash back, but this time i didn't feel the pain or sadness i use to have, as years pass they pass by too and soon it's numb, nothing do i ever feel again.
hey i just found out that A) i am suffering from bipolar or B) bipolar II i think it's properly bipolar II.
2 weeks i have been feeling sooo dizzy, almost about to faint, but luckily i don't, i hope by the time i go to school i don't feel the same cuz i'd be died, i need all that energy to go to class.... and i hope the stupid chest pains don't kick in too, that be even worse ):
but like i say rather i die for good, or i live and not make such a big problem to anyone, it's getting to be repeating, all i ever think about are the same things i can't get over with 7 years ago and still each and every year i think about it lots, it has invade like 50% of my brain, poor brain, and all it about is me being soo stupid and useless, and 7years i still have not found out my existence in life, if i still haven't found the answer to that in 2 years, i'd shoot myself or something. no one get's what kinds that really exist in my life, to put it into easier words, i'm not a normal human, and i don;t have a normal well efficient brain... it doesn't work normally and it doesn't do the simple things its suppose to be capable with ... but really who cares, no one cares and i wont either, its like a state of dead end. if my mother can call me "insane and crazy" then yes u might have a guess in what it's like. and besides my brain other parts of my body(myself) don't work as normal as well ); but i am lucky that i can walk, so i always wanted to cut my leg off or something to give it to someone that's in need of one.
Monday, August 8, 2011
blue blood
may be after all i'm not cold blooded, i thought i was, there was a point in life when nothing mattered, and my feelings in me swept away, cuz it felt like everything was gone and hope was lost. but after all i had feelings cuz i miss you. i might just just be messing around with my brain, it so confusing. sometimes there are 2 thing that go on my mind and they can be soo weird afterwards, i try not to think about it, but then when i do the other one pops up. why are my feelings so easy like folding a paper airplane...
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i really hope that my friend didn't burst out anything i said to him, or he said to me,it suppose to be top secret and not that i don't trust him, but he said he will "try to not say" but i want him to be zipped mouth shut for real, so if he did then guess what, i'll have to cut myself and of course to prove that i did cut myself evidence is needed, well i guess in this situation pain and violence does solve problems. can any one tell me how hard do u need to cut, cuz it seems like it never works when i do it....... -___-;;;
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i really hope that my friend didn't burst out anything i said to him, or he said to me,it suppose to be top secret and not that i don't trust him, but he said he will "try to not say" but i want him to be zipped mouth shut for real, so if he did then guess what, i'll have to cut myself and of course to prove that i did cut myself evidence is needed, well i guess in this situation pain and violence does solve problems. can any one tell me how hard do u need to cut, cuz it seems like it never works when i do it....... -___-;;;
Saturday, August 6, 2011
to my beloved's
just when i saw the pv once again and herd the song once more, i thought of something i wanted to tell you guyz, but i know there is no way i can do such a thing. you and me are soo far away from each other, two other worlds. but i wanted to say was, " you can change how u think of visual kei, interpret the fashion and trend to what u think it means and is, people like you can shine brighter once more and make an awesome change, you all look the same. new bands old bands all copy each other, there is almost no disctingion between you all." i love you but when i look at you then i look at them i get a feeling of upset.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
music to death
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
usless
i was going to type out, what i wanted to say for the day, but somehow i didn't felt like it after logging on...weird
well life to me is so freakin annoying, i just want to get it over with live it and die. end of story...
by the way if anyone plays gaia this would be my dream avi, but i am far, away from this one, don't have enough gold..... sigh
well life to me is so freakin annoying, i just want to get it over with live it and die. end of story...
by the way if anyone plays gaia this would be my dream avi, but i am far, away from this one, don't have enough gold..... sigh
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
24hours
photo taken by: me
god being the only one eyes wide and mind oped 24hours.
god being the only one eyes wide and mind oped 24hours.
the only one that choose to listen to you carefully, the only one that want to listen to the deepest parts of your soul... sadly u can't see him only he can...
only if in realy human forme someone would gadly do the same thing... ):
Monday, July 18, 2011
darken sight
photo taken by: me
day's just seem to be more grey and dark day by day....
try-n to break through the problems ahead, but when i'm face to face with them, it's not just a matter of go against it, it's also if you can break them down.
one hammer smash wont work, then you go for a second, when that doesn't work you try for a thrid, but by the time you do you'r third, you feel so tired and annoyed. and right now i want to give up once agian... i can't seem to be capable for helping myself get back up and into the game, and if i can't, neither can anyone.
so i guess the emo sad littel moonchild girl is back agian, aiya.... vat can i dooooooooo?
Friday, May 27, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
i'm all of what u have just mentioned (todays not my day)
yea, like no kidding.... i have changed in a bad way, more negative, cry a lot, act stupid, careless....
my mothers like your so stupid and unconsidered, yea okay like if i did'n no that.... and then she says i am careless and selfish, yes that too i may be selfish but not as much as the ppl i'm around with. and yes i was careless the day i was born.
yes just when i use to think that dreaming about things that might not happen is stupid, i am wrong, i have found out the more you dream about it and hope for it, it will sure come to you... keep on dreaming little girl.
keep it up and stay happy
Saturday, May 21, 2011
YOUR SMILE
Show me your smile
Show me real love
Hikari demo kage demo nai
Show me your smile
Show me real love
Mirai ja nai kako demo nai
Kuroi sora kodoku na tsukiakari
Mou mayowanai
Sagashite ita sekai mitsuketa kara
You are looking the wrong way
You feel that you are not enough
Sabishii me de nani wo motomete
You can find your true self
It can't wait to come to life
Let go the pressure
Imi ga nai
This is the singer i love the most, signs any kind of rock, a lot of English lyrics, and there not always about love, which i love
Show me real love
Hikari demo kage demo nai
Show me your smile
Show me real love
Mirai ja nai kako demo nai
Kuroi sora kodoku na tsukiakari
Mou mayowanai
Sagashite ita sekai mitsuketa kara
You are looking the wrong way
You feel that you are not enough
Sabishii me de nani wo motomete
You can find your true self
It can't wait to come to life
Let go the pressure
Imi ga nai
This is the singer i love the most, signs any kind of rock, a lot of English lyrics, and there not always about love, which i love
out of jail
finely i am out of that stupid dinner with a bunch of stupid ppl... more like my enemies, bullies and aunties that think they're so smart... what i have to suffer this like2-3 times a year. ); forced to go... this is like the last time i will go, even though there are 2 more stupid dinners with them thus year... y would i even eat dinner with a bun ch of ppl that bully me... so painful, i don't even speak when i go there, every time i go there i don't even feel like eating. this time once i walked into the house my legs went freezing cooled then it was shaking );..... plz save me
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if any one has any great bands to introduce to me plz do, i need a new band to replace superchick, cuz I'm not aloud to listen to them anymore....
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if any one has any great bands to introduce to me plz do, i need a new band to replace superchick, cuz I'm not aloud to listen to them anymore....
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
where can you find.....
Friday, May 13, 2011
2 stories, 2 sides to it (insulant )
i herd 2 stories this week almost about the same things, they have different sides to it. they were both about insulant....
one i herd today was a guy that had diabetes(i think) and he will have to inject insulant as medication. i felt bad knowing that he can't eat as normal as the rest of us and that he would have bruises from having 8 injections a day ): well he had a positive view to this, he said that " i ate healthy foods like whole grain breads, and also it made the ppl around him being aware of what they eat too" that was good for me to learn from him...
the second one is my friends cute little baby "Spencer(guinea pig)" he has a common disease that most guinea pigs will get, a lack of vitemine "C" which was almost impossible, and it had to do the same thing too take medication and coast $500 for every thing. well as i saw it take it's med, i felt bad for the little guy, it shook it's head around not wanting to take it...... after that we gave him sweet orange and he was eating really really fast nibbling on it, and when my friend pulled it away from him, he still garbed on to the orange not wanting to let go.(hope it get well soon) now all i think that effects him to be like that is the area he is in, the whole family is just in a bad situation right now and having one family member begging to emotional to things can be big effect. today once again i saw her cry, i felt so sad for her, but good for her still being able to deal with all the problems she is facing.
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this week I've been so happy, i was trying to think different, now even though i'm not aloud to listen to superchicks any more, i was still able to go through with no problem, now all i have to do is keep this up. one song says "happiness is free if u want it to be" and all i have to do is think right, not just try to be positive but have everything go well..... AND BEING HAPPY makes my life so joyful and everything i do i had a bit more energy, even though i half fainted today :P
one i herd today was a guy that had diabetes(i think) and he will have to inject insulant as medication. i felt bad knowing that he can't eat as normal as the rest of us and that he would have bruises from having 8 injections a day ): well he had a positive view to this, he said that " i ate healthy foods like whole grain breads, and also it made the ppl around him being aware of what they eat too" that was good for me to learn from him...
the second one is my friends cute little baby "Spencer(guinea pig)" he has a common disease that most guinea pigs will get, a lack of vitemine "C" which was almost impossible, and it had to do the same thing too take medication and coast $500 for every thing. well as i saw it take it's med, i felt bad for the little guy, it shook it's head around not wanting to take it...... after that we gave him sweet orange and he was eating really really fast nibbling on it, and when my friend pulled it away from him, he still garbed on to the orange not wanting to let go.(hope it get well soon) now all i think that effects him to be like that is the area he is in, the whole family is just in a bad situation right now and having one family member begging to emotional to things can be big effect. today once again i saw her cry, i felt so sad for her, but good for her still being able to deal with all the problems she is facing.
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